The Test & When Can I Hug My Kids Again

So let me start by saying I was finally able to get a COVID-19 test, in thanks to a private clinic that my neighbor (unnamed, to whom I am forever grateful), got me connected with. It was really important for me to persevere to get a test because of my team – two of the folks I work with regularly have high risk family members, and I can’t mess around with that. If they were exposed, they need to know.

It will take a couple of days to get the tests back, but my lungs are clear and my fever has gone down. I’m super conflicted. Now that I’m on the upswing of this thing, do I hope it WAS the virus? If it was COVID-19, then I have some level of immunity, and it’s likely that the folks in my household were already exposed (I’m a hugger and a cuddler of my kids), then it’s likely that we all got through this together. (We are taking precautions in the household similar to what anyone who admires Renee Russo saw in Epidemic, which I recommend.) If I DIDN’T have it, then I had something else icky and can still get COVID-19, but – upside – I don’t need to act like I have the plague in my own household and can cautiously hug my kids and be in the same room as them.

So, conflicted.

I’m feeling more coherent and episodically well, then crazy tired. I went to bed at 9 PM last night and slept almost all the way through until 6 AM, which is pretty much unheard of for me.

But apparently my ability to sabatoge myself knows no bounds. I decided eating nerds and fried chicken was a really good idea last night. Let me provide some context: I am gluten sensitive and straight up have an inflammatory response to corn. As any lover of Willy Wonka products knows, they are really completely made of flavored corn syrup.

So I felt like crap then.

Why? Whhhyyyyy do I do this to myself???? RRRRRRRRR.

Must. Be. Stronger.

Must. Be. Better. Example. For. Kids.

Molly says to me (on the porch, from a safe distance of 6-ish feet): Mommy, did you touch all the little boxes of nerds?

Mommy (that would be me): I touched all of them and then licked the packages and then put them back.

Molly (rolling her eyes in amusement, she’s practicing for her teen years): Moooommmmm, I know you didn’t do that.

So she goes and follows my amazing example by eating nerds.

I make myself feel better with excuses:

1. They’re in the little box
2. She’s super healthy and strong
3. Kids need an occasional treat, right?

This rationale does not stand up for long, as I recall she has already eaten 2 fun-sized packs of M&Ms.

Side Note: Where the heck did the hazelnut M&Ms go? Why can I not find them anymore? They were the BEST thing that ever happened to M&Ms.

BASTARDS.

So the M&Ms and the nerds were my attempt to get ahead of the online Easter candy buying binge that is no doubt coming. Once we get close enough to Easter people will be trading toilet paper for chocolate bunnies for their kids. Those without both will be raiding the remains of their stash from the parades of Mardi Gras and desperately sanitizing each candy before putting them into eggs for the kiddos. Or at least here in Louisiana. Other intrepid parents may be repurposing leftover Valentine’s day candy. “Look kids, red is the new pink this year.”

Last year there was a neighborhood Easter egg hunt here, and I was Prepared Mom. I bought individually sized candy in advance. This, after my husband put his foot down and said that we were “Not going to fill those eggs with bunny erasers and stamps on my watch.” My husband sees himself as the the Catcher in the Rye where the cliff is actually “going soft on kids these days.” They apparently need to be falling onto asphalt from playgrounds and surviving firework accidents to be made tough enough for life. “When I was a kid…” he says. And then follows it with some hideous story that I know he would never let happen to our kids.

I digress. Last year I filled the eggs with mini chocolates. And did not – until the day before they were to be turned in – apparently read the full directions on the flyer that said we were to fill them with “candy that could not melt.” Well. That.

Too late.

Some lucky kids got delicious squished chocolates. I got ahead of the game this year with nerds. That will probably be gone far before Easter.

There’s a #MomFail for every day.

#SlackerMomsUnite

Hopefully I’ll know in a couple days on this COVID thing. In the meantime, please protect other people, and STAY INSIDE.